Jellybean

I am finally a mother. I am a mom to a 2 month old baby, who happens to be a furry little thing, that barks rather than baby talk and eats from a stainless plate instead of a feeding bottle. Yes, I am a mother to a bouncing little baby puppy! And I am thoroughly excited about it! it's my first time to have a pet of my own. ALthough we've had lots of pets at home, they have always been family's pet and never Pet's pet. (Pet is my nickname at home). I am excited but at the same time, I am dead nervous, because I may not take care of her the way puppies should be taken cared of (yes, I take his quite seriously..hehe). I read a lot on ways of how to care of dogs on the internet, but somehow, each website have different ideas on the best way of taking care of them. For instance, there was this website that I first visited that says you should never feed dogs "real food", real, meaning food that men consumes, and just stick with commercialized dog food preferably recommended by a vet. But just yesterday, as I surfed the net for more info on taking care of dogs, this one website says that veterinarians are saying that the best dog food is "real food" provided that they are always fresh. So now, I am confused, but I decided that I'd stick with the dog food, since they are easier to prepare (katamaran!) and just give her "real" food as a treat. Oh well, too much about food. Hehe. Anyway, amidst all this confusion, I am nevertheless happy of having her around, as I've said to a friend, it keeps me afloat from the possibility of sinking further into depression.It brings me a sense of joy and a sense of responsibility, knowing that her survival partly depends on me (partly, because she might have hereditary disease that i may not know of, & if she dies because of it, I would not accept blame for that..wahehe). Most importantly, I love having jellybean (her name) because it lets me experience the joy of "motherhood" minus the pain of giving birth..wahehehe.

Sick, sick, sick..

Talk about slow death. I am now at a flourescent-lit room with only the sound of the phones &the silent hums of the airconditioning units are heard (aka office), ruining my eyesight by staring at my pc for more than 8 hours, waiting for the 15th & 30th of the month (wahehe), and slowly deteriorating my brain for lack of activity that my job entails for it to do. Not to mention, a possible nervous breakdown caused by my sort-of-evil-boss (sort of, because sometimes she's nice, but most of the time she's not). How did I end up in this heavenly state? Lemesee, lemesee. Oh yeah! I spent half my life going to school, absorbing all the things I thought would be useful when I get out of it, spent my dad's money on useless books & unbelievably expensive tuition fees, not to mention my allowance (but it was not such a waste compared to the 1st two..hehe). And voila! Here I am, making my tummy bigger while my brain does the opposite, shrinking to the size of a pea, by sitting all day on my blue office chair, elbows on my beige desk and eyes staring blankly at my desktop computer. How I love my office job (blech!). I really don't want to sound an ungrateful ingrate(redundant,coz my brain cells are diminishing). I know there are a lot of unemployed filipinos, who would gladly like to exchange places with me. But I really, really need to get out of here before I do something drastic that I'll later on regret, like eating too much because I'm depressed or uhmmm..maybe that's it. Seriously though, I hope to get more out of life or more importantly, I want to give something more to this world (not just those taxes I pay monthly, that we all know does not go to where it should). I am terrified at the thought that one day, when my time is up, and when I face my God, and He/She asks me what I have offered Him/Her when I was alive, I could not think of anything to say, except for the few bucks I give at church every Sunday mass (and that's not even much).