What the!?

Sometimes, things are not really what they seem. And I hate it that I did not realize it sooner than I should have. I let myself be caught off-guard in a no-win situation. And now, I feel like a complete mess, a stupid idiot trapped in a web that I put unto myself.
I hate admitting I made a mistake and that I did not listen to what my friends said about this. I hate it that I made a wrong judgment on this person. I hate feeling guilty for every ______ , ___ _______, ____, ____ ______ & that ___ ____________ __ ___ ____ ______. I hate that I ever got into those things. Everybody’s right. I should have not let it get this far. I had the chance to stop it earlier when I was not yet feeling anything towards this person, but there I was, continuing the so-called friendship we have. And now here I am, lamenting over something that makes me go crazy, obsessing on something that maybe this person does not give a darn about. I hate the inequality of things. I hate not having any right to feel what I feel, say what I want to say & do what I want to do. Because I know it is wrong. Darn wrong. And so what if I think this person feels the same way, I am not part of this person's real world. I am a part of a dream world, a world where one can get the best of both worlds, a world devoid of consequences & risks, a safe world, a world in between, an indecisive & cowardice world. That is where we belong and I regret that I ever set foot in that world. I will step out of it. I am trying to. Believe me, I am. I will make a choice. I will stray away from the safe side and venture into the real world. I know, It'll be sad doing this but, there is no other way out of this pseudo world I have created.