GRANDIOSE is the word!

There are so many funny things in life that does not make me laugh.It does not necessarily mean that I lack the sense of humor thatcould make me crack up laughing, but sometimes life is not funny anymore.It is crazy and frustrating that sometimes you just wanna leave. And not live it. Really, sometimes it's so difficult to live, existing is no problem but living is a totally different thing altogether.I sometimes feel im not alive anymore, although I wake up involuntarily every single day. It's been awhile since I felt I am really living, thinking about it now, I could not even remember when that was.I talked to my bestfriend awhile ago and she said she feels alive because of her 9 month old relationship with a terrific guy. I am truly happy for her and frankly, quite envious if I were asked. I need something that could make me feel that way. It does not have to be grandiose,like touring the countries i want to visit (but it would probably have the same effect), or becoming the most sought after woman in the world (as if that's possible) or changing how the world works (another impossibilty), it could be as simple as having a job that I would really be proud of because it makes sense and because it makes use of my body & mind or being truly passionate about something, to a cause that I truly believe in. To feel really "awakened" when I get up from bed each morning and to feel exhaustion at the end of the day not because im tired but because I know I've done something worthwile during the day. To be in a certain place where I feel that it is exactly where I want to be and not anywhere else. There, then I would know I am truly living.