So, what's the score?

Life is not about keeping score. It does not matter how many pairs of signature shoes you have, how many people you've kissed and have not kissed, how many dates you've had or not have at all, how many friday nights you went out or just sulked at home, it doesn't matter where you went to school or how high your GPA was when you graduated, doesn't matter how many cars you have or if you don't drive at all, how beautiful or ugly you are. Life is not about that, I realize now. It has always been how you treat people, did you made them smile when you spoke to them or did you just hurt their feelings whenever you speak up? All those things that make us appear look good or even feel good about ourselves does not necessarily make us any better if the people around us, especially those who are dear to us can't even stand our mere presence. People will not always remember how we look like, how many people have we kissed or dated, how many parties we've attended, how well we did in school or how grand our car is, but they will always remember how we made them feel. How much we pained them or how much we made them laugh. How we made them feel stupid or understood. I admit,sometimes it really is so hard to ignore all the fancy stuff life could offer most especially in our days now where the rich and the beautifuls are treated like gods and goddesses and how the media showcases their wealth and beauty. Don't get me wrong, I really have nothing against it. All I'm saying is, whenever we decide to be dolled up or show off our fortune with others let us not forget that it is not main issue in living our lives. I may not be certain or well aware of the other reasons why we are here, but there's one thing I am sure of, we are not here for that alone.

Where has this smile gone to?!

Me when I was still a hyper active kid. 

I hope He calls again...

It just hit me last night. I was in our cell group, which I started attending just a few weeks ago, listening to the group leader when he said something about "the will of God". That woke me up to my wits and became more attentive to what he has to say about this. It was stupid of me to think that he would tell me His will for me. Hah! I was actually wishing he would just tell me straight because frankly, I don't have a clue. I admire those people who at least has a vague idea of their purpose in life. I often wonder how these few people knew their purposes, while I, stood in the dark. Then last night it hit me. I don't know my purpose because I don't know how to listen and I don't know how to talk to Him. Maybe he's been trying to call my attention all these years and have been wanting to reveal His will for me but then unconsciously, I might have been deaf to His call. And so from now on, I will try to listen and try to talk to Him more. Then maybe soon when I know Him better and when I can finally say that I have a relationship with God, then maybe He'd call on me again and by that time, I may not be as deaf as I was.

I am getting way too holy here, so I must stop now before heaven takes me while I'm still in my pajamas...

Cynic gone mad

How come that the feeling of loss never leaves you even after such a long time?
But the feeling of happiness and joy, more often than not, evades your senses after its presence has lingered in just a matter of years, months, days, hours or sometimes even just a few seconds. Why do we tend to dwell more on the sorrowful things that happened in our lives but never gave much thought to the ones that have given us a few minutes of laughter and smiles? And mind you, we don’t just do it with our own lives. Whenever we see a movie or read a book, don’t we always remember the worst parts of it? Whether it would be the part where somebody died, lovers separated, friendship betrayed or meteors destroyed earth or aliens invaded it, these would almost always be the climax of the story. These would be the parts of the film or book that would always be remembered. The happy endings, you ask? We would say they are not realistic. It would be better if somebody dies, lovers are not reunited, friendships are not mended and earth is crushed into crumbles.
Have we become more cynical than Jessica Zafra that we cannot stay happy for a long time? Longer than a few minutes, perhaps?
I ask these questions because I don’t have the answers to them. I myself am guilty of this. I am not really the most cheerful person you’d meet. I have always been pessimistic about life because I think that it is easier to imagine the worst thing that could happen, so when it finally happens, it would not be so much of a devastation, at least not too much. But there are also drawbacks to this kind of thinking, because we leave no room for good dreams or great expectations and therefore we don’t give much effort to achieve such results. Could it be that we tend to reside in our sorrowful thoughts because we feel safer in it than in our own “happy place”? Our sad thoughts and experiences serve us as shields in our lives in a sense that if we would always settle in those experiences and then something bad happens yet again, we would be in a constant emotion—misery. But if we are elated in a happy thought all the time, and then something bad happens, we would be too shattered. It would be difficult to shift our emotional gear from happiness to sadness. And we don’t want that, do we? But we don’t have to shift gears if we don’t want to. Plus, if you were a good driver it wouldn’t be so much of a hassle to shift back gears, would it? Happiness is a state of mind, we can choose to be happy wherever, whenever, whatever. It is just a matter of choosing whether to have a good day or not. We decide on our happiness.

And so I say, let’s all be happy to all happy-endings we'll be witnessing in this lifetime, no matter how sappy it is.
(soap fans are with me on this...hahaha)